I will show you fear in a handful of dust

dude

Tue, 11 Apr 2006 06:18:20 GMT

i just gave a boy my phone number.

i feel very odd.

like my stomach was suddenly inflated with helium and is now pushing out against my other organs.

funny.

movin' on up

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 20:40:54 GMT

My short film entitled Why are You Here? was accepted into the Newport Beach Film Festival. Over the last few days I've been getting e-mails about screenings, tickets, passes, and shindigs. It's really weird... like I'm an actual film maker or something.

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 00:31:27 GMT

on the way to the grocery store i decided to end my All Strokes, All the Time streak by listening instead to the distillers. as i walked from my car to the store a car drove by, a familiar guitar riff streaming out of it's windows.

The Hunger - The Distillers

small world.

My First. Real. Concert.

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 10:36:48 GMT

IJUSTSAWTHESTROKESINCONCERT
ANDI'MTOTALLYFREAKINGOUTWITHJOY
THEYWERETOTALLYAWESOME
OHMYGOSH
ITWASSOCOOLANDUNBELIEVABLE
IWASLIKEWOAH
ISCREAMEDMYLUNGSOUT
ITWASAWESOME

ahem.

I just returned from seeing the Strokes in concert. Eeeeeeeeee!

They started out with "You Only Live Once" off the new album which is like my favorite song, I've listened to it over fifty times (as recorded by iTunes). It's also the first song off the album so I thought, okay, they're gonna play it all in order. But then the next song was off of their second album and all thoughout they were just playing everything. The concert ran from like 9:40 till 11:30, that is to say, that's how long the Strokes were on stage. The concert actually started at 8 with the warm up band.

I was worried they weren't going to play my song, the reason for my love of the Strokes, the song that made me into the crazy-go-nuts person I am today, "Reptillia," and it seemed to be winding down tragically. But then, suddenly THEY PLAYED IT. and I went CRAZY. and it was awesome. and it was like the last song in there set. So it was like, they started with my new favorite, and ended with my original favorite. It was very fitting.

But when they went of stage we just kept cheering forever, so they came back and played like four more songs. And on the last song Julian picked up the mic stand and started trashing the speakers that lined the front of the stage, smashing them with the heavy end of the stand. And then he climbed over them so he was standing on like the last inch of stage, teetering over the audience. It was freaking awesome.

I bought a t-shirt. :)

my own personal reunion

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 05:57:37 GMT

lets not talk about something that's going to depress me so quickly i'll have to commit ritual suicide

let's talk about something good

wait, before i tell you the good hting
i have to explain the bad thing

not in it's entierty... not ready yet
but... the big picture:

since christmas i've been rediculously over worked, and stressed
the last two weeks have been totally miserable (for a number of undisclosed reasons)
and last night i felt so horrible i was ready to die
i think i hit the lowest low of my short little life
last night

it was bad

ANYWAY
this morning, i woke up and got dressed and ready for the day
i was home alone, so i went down stairs and was watching crappy day-time tv
which... joy.
so... i look at the clock and see that it's like a half-hour away from when i need to leave for class
so i go in the bathroom and decide, randomly, to wear make up for the first time this year
(2006)

(not that long of a time... but still)
and so, i grab the brown eyeliner
because i'm trying to go mellow

but it's mom's eyeliner, and it's one of those plastic pencils... i use the wooden ones
so i'm like attempting to make a very fine line along the bottom, but this thing's fat, right?
so it makes this really thick line, which... it was brown... but still... thick.

so like... i'm looking at it
and it's gone on the inside, right? not the outside

like... i was aiming for the line right between, i just wanted it to be very thin... but no luck
and i'm looking at it and i think "man... i used to wear my eyes like that every day... and with black eyeliner.
and i kind of start giggling about this
so i finish out both eyes the same way
and then go to put on mascara, but instead of grabbing the regular stuff i grab the extender stuff i used to use in high school
and make my lashes all... ginormous

and now i've got to go all the way, right?
so i grab this really dark lipstick
and put that on, for fun
and it's like... my own little personal high school reunion going on in the bathroom
lol

but then i have to run to school
so i'm in my car, driving, and listening to "the format" my newest musical obsession
on my iPod, right?

and i'm driving, and I think to myself.... i didn't listen to this when i was in high school...

so i'm about to grab the iPod and switch it to the distillers
when i get an idea
"forget the iPod, i've got the cd in the back seat"

so i grab my cd case, and pop the cd in, just like old times, and i'm speeding down the freeway with the windows down and the music playing FAR too loud
and i'm singing along to what used to be my favorite band
and loving it
and i get half way to school and notice the shirt i'm wearing
it's my hard rock shirt
the one i bought in london
i love this shirt
it's like.... my favorite
it fits perfect and is totally trendy and awesome

and i'm thinking... and...
i bought that distillers cd in london
and i bought this t-shirt in london
and i wore this bra in london
and... wait a minute... this thursday is the one year reunion of our london trip!
and i listened to this and wore this on the tube
and i loved this

cheered myself right up
at least for today
i'm going to try to make the rest of this month special
celebrate the memory of me at 17

i know it's only a year ago... but it was a really good year for me...
and that is what is up

(also not something that will force me to committ ritual suicide)

another day in paradise

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 00:22:28 GMT

I've been kind of... bad about posting/reading lately... i've pretty much been dead to the world on all fronts. appologies my friends. <3

Jess made me.

1. Name:

2. Birthday:

3. Place of residence:

4. What makes you happy:

5. What are you listening to now/have listened to last:

6. Do you read my LJ:

7. If you do, what is particularly good/bad about it:

8. An interesting fact about you:

9. Are you in love/have a crush at the moment:

10. Favorite place to be:

11. Favorite lyric:

12. Best time of the year:

13. Weirdest food you like:

14. Do farts make you laugh:

RECOMMEND
1. A film:

2. A book:

3. A band, a song and an album:

PLUS
1. One thing you like about me:

2. Two things you like about yourself:

3. Put this in your LJ so i can tell you what i think of you.

4. Post a picture of you.

for gwen

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 21:36:25 GMT

Your Life is Like

Grosse Pointe Blank

What John Cusack movie are you?

i'm a leaf on the wind

Fri, 30 Dec 2005 01:22:29 GMT

At long last, the entier series of Firefly, including DVD extras, have finished downloading to my second hard drive (installed especially for them). After four days of downloading which probably could've taken two, I have them. The heavens open. Choirs of angels sing.

And...

I cannot watch them.

They're not the right format.

ah well... time for more downloading... followed by converting... followed by uploading... followed by BLISS!

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Thu, 15 Dec 2005 22:16:34 GMT

the above succession of the letter "e" multiple times in a row was a direct result of the new livejournal policy of giving free accounts SIX ICONS!!!

i'm freaking out! OMGsh yay! Icooooooooooooons!

"...and I'm starting to feel pukey."

Sun, 04 Dec 2005 07:50:45 GMT

h'okay. life is INSANE. i would not have believed how crazy a schedual could be until this week. i also would not have believed the moronic ways to procrastinate i STILL find, despite my rediculous spread-too-thinedness.

PS: Pat, did you find that severed arm you told me you'd look for?

Day Shoot

Sun, 13 Nov 2005 04:55:24 GMT

So.... I had a really kind of incredible day today!

I met with Kyle at the SM parking lot at 8AM, and we drove all the way up to Arrowhead, stopping to pick up Jasmine on the way. We met with Karyn and three of Kyle's friends up at a high school called "The Rim of the World," drove a little ways further down the road, then pulled over and hiked out into the woods.

We shot the whole thing in less than two hours and then just spent the day hanging out with real people. It was great. We got to meet all of Kyle's old friends, and listen to snipets of inside jokes... normally this would suck... lol. but it was somehow cool to see mountain boys reminising. :) and it's weird! I think I expected mountain boys to be a lot more... gruff. Sure... they all had beards, but they seemed to be more or less totally ordinary people. WEIRD. :)

Dunno why, but it was a fun day. I think I just get happy about people going back to the things they love. :)

Anyways... pointless entry.... sue me.

Go!

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 17:07:47 GMT

I went to a screening of The Chumscrubber yesterday. I'd seen the trailer, and it looked cool but I wasn't sure. I went anyways, because the director and producer were going to be there for Q and A afterwards, and like... what idiot would say no to that?

So I went, and the movie was... wonderful. It was twisted and hilarious and brilliant and visually beautiful, and on top of it it had these incredible actors. I'm totally fangirling over it. lol.

So.... yeah! It's your duty to go to it this weekend (it comes out friday) if you can. It's a limited release, so I'm talking to you LA people. :) GO! Okay... It's rated R. So.... if you have a problem with cursing, violence and A LOT of drug use... maybe don't go...

I'm only saying it because if it does well in the limited release it MIGHT get a full release, and that would be awesome. So go! Take a friend! Spread the word! :)

look! ^ I even have a visual! And it's a link to the website!

Weekend of DOOOM (the extra "O" makes it special)

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 03:16:53 GMT

So.... I've been holding off writing anything because I wanted to write up a whole bit blog of informational goodness on my miserable/wonderful weekend. But I never wanted to do it, because I knew it would take flippin'... forever, so I waited until I now don't care enough to actually tell you everything that happened. So here are the highlights, so that we can move on and live our lives:

1. Mari came down Friday.
2. We went to dad's and watched Finding Neverland.
3. My allergies kicked in.
4. We went to bed at 10 and I didn't sleep at all because I was freaking out about the next day when I would have to...
5. ...wake up at 6:45 in the morning and go out for an all day shoot on my first student film.
6. I worked all day running on empty, and basically took a backseat on the production, even though I was supposed to be director, and ended up mostly just watching Kyle do everything. That's not Kyle's fault, it's mine because I should've been more assertive instead of letting him just direct.
7. I got home with Mari at 6:30.
8. Mari left.
9. I fell into bed and didn't move for an hour at which point I realized I was going to have ANOTHER sleepless night because I couldn't stop fretting about the film.
10. I took a sleeping pill and passed out for 12 hours.

The following morning I had a terrible cold, which has been haunting me ever since. I'm just now getting over it.

Now, having given you the background story, here's the conclusion of my miserable weekend.

We turned in the project today. Ours was screened first of the class, for which I think the others were rather pissed. We got the highest grade. Yay us. So... I'm conflicted because I feel like I failed. I didn't step up and do my job as a director. I feel like hanging my head in shame, and possibly running my own sword through my chest in an attempt at an honorable death, samurai style. Okay... I'm not going to do that. But I'm still rather disappointed. I felt like there was all this pressure on me, and then I got there... and there was none, and I just kind of... went with it, and that's not okay. I feel like I don't deserve the grade, and it's eating me alive.

I SHOULD be happy. Why? I'll tell you why. He started by telling us the thing that he "thought" he liked about it. He said that the strong point of the film was that it avoided the very easy cliché it could've fallen into, and revealed an original and very honest truth about society and romance between young people. He said that it had "superior screenwriting." Which, basically... HECK YES! I wrote that little son of a squid. That was my baby. So while... it could've been better. It was really good, and the best thing was something I did. I should be very proud of this.

I'm not going to lie and act like I don't like hearing people praise my screenwriting. I LOVE IT! Who wouldn't? But I've been hearing so much of it the last few weeks... I'm starting to believe it. Which isn't a bad thing, it's just... hearing it... doesn't mean as much anymore. Now what I really want is praise for my directing, but I DIDN'T EVEN DIRECT IT, and I'm not going to get another chance until next semester because we have to take turns directing within the group.

Okay. I got it off my chest. For the third time. I think I can finally let this rest. I just need to... refocus, get my head in the game, learn everything I can watching and helping the others, and then just... do it. Prove myself as soon as another chance presents itself.

....yeah.

Double Feature.

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 17:57:41 GMT

I had a two parter dream last night. The first half probably should've been the scarier, but I've forgotten a good part of it, and mostly it seems silly. So the second is the real thriller, but it was much shorter, and actually much more frivolous.

We were filming. Not our stupid student projects, but a real film. We were on a real film set. The movie, as I recall it was about an earthquake... or something the like, because the set was built so that it could collapse and uncollapse. Anyways, I vaguely remember getting stuck in it durring a faux earthquake and being scared, but it was just a prank someone played.

The real action of the story began when someone stole our film. Yes, a story straight from The Girl Who Stole the Eiffel Tower, but it was for some reason terrifying, and that reason was that they were taking a number of the crew hostage as well. I forget a good portion right around this point, but my memory comes back at a point when we were parked on a steep incline, a grassy hill.

I was in the diver's side of the huge red truck, their getaway, but i wasn't sitting in the seat, I was crouched on the floor under the steering wheel, looking up and begging the man in the backseat not to steal the movie. I'm pretty sure that at this point his accomplices had been taken out somehow. Anyways, there were three people present, myself (begging), the theif (ignoring me) and some other random guy who was hanging half way in and out of the truck. I think he may have broken his legs, because he couldn't seem to escape, even though we were parked.

The thief, eventually kicked me in the face, and pushed me out of the car before getting in the driver's seat and driving away. The other random guy was trying to climb back into the car, but i convinced him to let go. And then we climbed the hill But the hill was suddenly vertical, and like impossible to climb. But we were crawling and grabbing onto the grass, but the grass was coming out in strips like it was new. You know how when they put in grass it comes in those rolled up strips. We kept losing grip because strips were coming up.

But then, I had super human strength and pulled us to safety and when we got to the top where it wasn't such a steep incline my superhuman powers stayed so that we were floating, sorta... And I was like using things to launch us into this foresty place like there was no gravity or something.

Then I was walking and I had a giant acorn... i dunno why i picked the giant acorn, but i did and i was eating it. Then Kyle came, and me and Kyle were walking eating the acorn.

END PART ONE.

I had a dream. I was being attacked by a spider with six legs and two enormous stingers that it held above its head like antennae. It was white with a tan stripe that ran across it's back horizontally.

Mom and Chuck was there and Julie... and for some reason Noreen Devitt (and possibly Regulus Black...). And Charlie was there. He was the only one that, looking back, seemed to fit. He was taking us on a tour of the film department at the school, but he was doing it like he was showing a film class, not my random family.

We were like in the foyer about to enter, and on a table there was this spider sitting on a perch. At first I thought it was fake or at least stuffed, but it wasn't. It wasn't particularly huge... Its body was about the size of an oblong golf ball.

Noreen and who I think was Regulus, were looking at the spider intently as Charlie gave some kind of talk, standing at the door before leading us in. To be honest, I wasn't paying attention to anything but the spider either, but I was looking at it from a distance.

When they started to walk away from it it sort of moved it's stingers up and down... moved like it was squealing for attention, but there was no sound.

By then Charlie was watching what was playing out. I suddenly exclaimed that it was poisonous and shouldn't be around. He said yes, it was poisonous, but it wouldn't hurt us, and that was simply not enough reassurance for me.

It was at this point that the spider started scrambling (and i say scrambling because it's the only word for it. I would've written "crawling" but that seemed like too slow of a verb)... started scrambling off the desk and directly at me. I screamed and freaked out. I kicked it a few times and it retreated, but it always came back.

I started climbing up halfway between a table and a chest of drawers. Charlie was watching with interest... like he was waiting to see what I did. Like he was halfway fascinated by my reaction.

Noreen started blathering about how Spiders are hot and I shouldn't freak out about it. Julie started to pick up the spider and show me how cool and fascinating it was by letting it drop from her hands on it's string, always bringing it back so that it couldn't get all the way toward me.

Then she slipped up and it came charging again, as fast as it could directly up my skirt. I screamed and cried and climbed and tried to get it away, and realization dawned on me:

It was after my blood.

I woke up with my legs squeezed tight and when I dressed I put on pants.

Tight pants.

Mourning

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 06:44:20 GMT

Today I mourn the ones I've lost. Earlier today I meant to post an entry exclaiming "Sirius lives!" in big bold letters. And while the joy from earlier is still quite wonderful, I am no longer gleeful enough to proclaim it.

So, here's a good-bye. A time to let go.

I don't get it

Fri, 14 Oct 2005 21:54:50 GMT

So, I felt like I'd become the stereotypical "easy voter." I've been voting yes to like.. everyone on m_life, and everyone else seems to be very picky.

I vote one person down because I honestly don't feel like he fits the character (and yes, I was PMS and so more likely to speak my mind), and suddenly people who don't even know me, who aren't on the site are using MY critical voting as reason not to join???

What?

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 20:53:01 GMT

I got me own tea set today!

*does jig*

It's all tarnished and brass and wonderfully "Beauty and the Beast."

Adventures in Babysitting

Sat, 01 Oct 2005 22:38:55 GMT

Travis just asked me where i got "those," and pointed at my shirt pocket. I was confused since I wasn't wearing a necklace or anything of the sort to draw the eye. When I asked him what he meant he pointed to his chest in two very specific locations. "Where did you get those. On your chest."

"You mean my boobs, Travis?"

"Yeah."

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 18:36:27 GMT

Man. Yesterday was a really good day! (Aside from the bunny thing...)

Sister and I are going to go see a play with my Disney Channel lover in it, and the Strokes just came out with a new single. Okay.... that happened last week... but I just found out about it last night, so, I'm pretty stoked!

true story

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 06:02:36 GMT

I saw a dead bunny on the same road I saved a bunny at earlier today.

DOES THE WORLD HATE ME? IS THERE NO POINT IN DOING ANYTHING? BECAUSE IT ALL ENDS UP FUTILE IN THE END?

*storms off and broods*

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 04:10:19 GMT

I'm a good person!

Bunny lives saved today: One!

Hurrah!

I knew I had super secret super powers somewhere in there!

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 17:20:56 GMT

Story: "Snow" by Robert Olen Butler.
Lenght: Five and a half pages.
Assessment: Very good up until the last paragraph where the writer seems to crap out and become a novice for a space of seven sentances. Seriously. WTH?

Sun, 25 Sep 2005 22:57:16 GMT

There are small childred at my house and I'm told they're here to stay for indefinately. I don't know how long indefinately is, but I hope it isn't very long. I don't much like children.

Sat, 24 Sep 2005 19:45:10 GMT

So, the goodie supply is dwindling, finally. I baked two cakes, two pies and like a million dozen mini sugar cookies for Mum and the Kid's birthday. That's right, my mother shares her birthday with my brother. She gave birth on her own birthday. Ow. Anyway, I went a little crazy in the kitchen, unaware that Mum and Chuck were going to Utah this weekend. So... they left me and Jeff holding the bag and about enough sugary baked goods to induce several serious sugar commas. I've managed to pawn off most of the cake and all of the cookies on friends and visiting relatives. That leaves me with one and a half pumkin pies. What is a girl to do?

On another note. Allison left today. It hasn't sunk in yet. I'm a little worried about my sanity (as well as hers... but then... neither of us were really sane to begin with).

Tue, 20 Sep 2005 22:39:03 GMT

Talk about a blast from the past.

Talked to Stevi today. That was cool.

Also, I finally figured out the mystery of the lack of luminsecense on my odometer at night, or rather, Chuck told me what I was doing wrong. So, I can now tell how fast I'm driving AT NIGHT. Shock!

I got mail today... but even when they're addressed to me, they're for somebody else.

I have to write something like twenty pages between right now and tomorrow afternoon... a little considerably worried about that.